10,000 B.C.

Brodie Fanns!

New review for you. I’m goin’ pre-historic on your asses.

10,000 B.C.

1 Star

So… Roland, if I may call you that. What the hell happened? You had us with Stargate, Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. And now this? I don’t even know what to classify this as. It’s barely a step above something the Discovery Channel would put together, only with a Sci-Fi Channel twist.

D’Leh (Steven Strait) is a hunter/warrior from what I only assume is a Sub-Saharan mountain tribe. After his tribal lands are attacked by Egyptian warlords, he embarks on a quest to save his one true love, who also happens to be his people’s saviour. I think. Along the way, he meets up with other tribes who have been attacked by the Egyptians, and they all stage a revolt to free the slaves being used to build the pyramids.

Where to begin with what is wrong with this film? Is it the laughably bad dialog? The maybe dead languages they use? Could it be the very obvious visual effects they use? Or how about the oddly perfect bodies they have? I’m not talking being fit. I’m talking nice skin, well maintained hair, perfect manicure, perfect make-up. On tribes-people.

There was nothing about this production that worked. It’s almost as if they wanted to fall in line with Mel Gibson’s historical epics, but decided they didn’t want to spend a lot of money. And good lord did it show.

And you could tell the actors were of the mindset “This movie sucks, but at least I have one more thing to put on my resume. And a paycheck.” I can’t comment on their performances… because to call what they all did acting is an insult to acting.

I’m being generous with my one star rating, as I usually don’t believe in the “Award for just showing up” philosophy. But come on… they tried.

But really, I can’t recommend this to anyone. Avoid it.

– Brodie

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