After going over and over and over the math, with these 6 films, my official count now stands at 99 films seen theatrically in a year. Avatar will be the 100th.

Armored – 1 star

Laurence Fishburne, Matt Dillon, Jean Reno and Columbus Short star in this tale of good guys gone bad when a team of armoured truck guards decide to plan the perfect heist, but it all goes awry when rookie guard Ty (Short) backs out last minute and throws a wrench into their plans.

Formulaic and derivative to it’s core, this film brings nothing new to the table. The characters go through a motivational shift that, by movie’s end, is still unexplained. I suppose you could sweep it all up with good, old fashioned greed, but I still want to know what made these seemingly good characters, who we like early on in the film, go so bad. Why did they want the money? The acting isn’t bad, but it’s just not very good.

Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day – 3.5 stars

This is one of those films that you either get or you don’t. Writer/DirectorTroy Duffy re-teams with Billy Connolly, Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus to continue the story of the vengeance seeking MacManus clan. 8 years after their initial spree that spilled the blood of the worst criminals all over the streets of Boston, the Brothers are called out by the son of crime boss Yakavetta, to answer for their “sins.”

Featuring returning favourites and a fresh cast (including Judd Nelson, Clifton Collins, Peter Fonda and Dexter‘s Julie Benz), fans of the original will definitely not be disappointed by the sequel. It features the kitschy, over-the-top action that repeated viewings of the original on DVD have made us accustomed to. It’s light on actual plot, but wasn’t the first one, too?

Brothers – 4 stars

Tobey Maguire and Jake Gyllenhaal star in the roles they were born to play, the titular brothers. When Tobey’s Cpt. Sam Cahill goes missing, feared dead, in Afghanistan, Jake’s ne’er-do-well Tommy Cahill steps in to comfort his grieving widow Grace (Natalie Portman). This leads to complications upon Sam’s rescue and return home.

Maguire really comes into his own as an actor with this role. His intense, bombastic portrayal of a mentally and emotionally scarred vet frightens you at the same time it pulls you in. To balance that out, Gyllenhaal turns in a quiet, understated performance as the brother, that engages with something bubbling just beneath the surface. Each performance more subtle than we’ve seen from these two before.

Everybody’s Fine – 3.5 stars

Robert De Niro stars as a recent widower trying to re-connect with his now grown kids (Kate Beckinsale, Sam Rockwell and Drew Barrymore) in this feel good movie just in time for the holiday season.

The performances were all fine. It’s really one of those “Hey, call your dad” kinda movies. But in the end, it felt a little hollow for how by the numbers it was. Yes, De Niro and Rockwell did a lot with a little (even Barrymore and Beckinsale were engaging), but it really could have been anyone in those roles, and I don’t know if anyone would have known the difference. Which is too bad, because I really like Rockwell’s work.

Invictus – 3.5

Morgan Freeman stars as Nelson Mandela, which has to be the role of a lifetime, in this inspiration film that crosses international sports with a politically and culturally fractured nation.

And in that respect, it’s very good. It shows the impact that even the most seemingly insignificant event can have on a country and it’s people. And the last effects of that event. And both Freeman and his co-star Matt Damon play their roles to perfection.

But can we stop pretending that Clint Eastwood is god’s gift to directing already? He keeps getting such high marks for his directing, but the last thing he did as a director that really impressed me was Mystic River. Though to be fair, I have yet to see Letters From Iwo Jima. Everything else? Meh.

The Princess and the Frog – 4 stars

Disney’s first traditional hand drawn 2D animation film in five years is also their finest in 15. Set in Jazz-era New Orleans, visiting Prince Naveen has a run-in with local voodoo practitioner, which turns him into a frog. Naveen must find a Princess to kiss in order to reverse the spell, but a case of mistaken identity (they’re at a costume ball) leads to waitress and aspiring restauratrice Tiana also becoming a frog following said kiss, and then go on a journey to be human again.

So, Disney isn’t one for groundbreaking plot, what’s new? It’s beautifully drawn, some of the best animation we’ve seen out of the House of Mouse in ages. The voice work from Anika Noni-Rose, Bruno Campos and Keith David is fun and lighthearted, with the perfect amount of liveliness. The only real problem comes with the songs. Back in the day, the songs worked to move the story along. Unfortunately, they just seem awkwardly juxtaposed into the film for the sake of having songs.

As a I move toward the end of the year, I’m also quickly approaching a milestone in my movie watching. My previous record for most different films seen in theatres in a single year was 70 set in 2004. I currently stand at 91, and I hope to hit 100 by the end of the year. That out of the way… the reviews.

A few mini reviews, then 2 full reviews.

The Blind Side – 3.5 stars – It’s a good enough film, it entertains and pulls the heartstrings. But really, how many times are they going to retread the “inspirational true sports story”? Tim McGraw is a surprisingly decent actor.

Planet 51 – 2 stars – It’s funny to the point of satirizing the alien invasion flicks of the 50s. But beyond that, it’s a one joke flick that fails to keep you interested to the end. Emphatic *shrug* ‘meh?’

Ninja Assassin – 1 star – It’s exactly what it says it is. A ninja assassin. Add in “boring.” It’s like watching a video game. Scratch that…. It’s like watching someone else play a crappy video game, that you have no interest in playing at all, and are only in the room because you have nothing better to do while you wait for your frozen pizza to bake. And you’re super high. Actually, that might have helped this flick. But the action’s fun.

Old Dogs – .5 star – I’m done with the broad, ‘gotta appeal to everyone,’ comedies that walk across the same old jokes time and time again. We get it, they’re old. We get it, this is an important business opportunity. We get it, the kids are a total buzzkill. Why do adults always have to learn? Why can’t kids ever learn a lesson? Like, sit down, shut up, and behave.

Coco avant Chanel – 3.5 stars – I like Audrey Tautou. I really do, I think she’s a terrific actress and gives an engaging performance as the late designer. But the movie never really made me care about the characters. I didn’t know why the story was told. Could be a cultural thing.

And now… the full reviews.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon – .5 star

The Twilight movies are pretty much critic proof. No matter what I say, the fans are going to eat it up and love it. That being said, they shouldn’t. It’s a terrible film, with arguably some of the worst acting. The leads couldn’t carry a film if their careers depended on it, and luckily they don’t have to. It’s the brand that’s filling the seats, not the stars. But you do get some engaging performances from the bit part adults.

New Moon is the second entry in the inexplicably popular Twilight franchise, and we pick up where the first one left off, with Bella (Kristen Stewart) dating vampire hunk Edward (Robert Pattinson, yet now the reality of her aging and him not is starting to dawn on her. To save her from being hurt, he leaves, which only hurts her more. And then her best friend is a werewolf.

I don’t know. I didn’t care much for seeing this going in. The fact that it plods along at a pace that even a snail would say “hurry up” only adds to my inability to effectively follow along with the plot.

I don’t know where it broke down, in the screen writing process, Chris Weitz’s directing, or in the editing room, but somewhere along the way, the film lost all narrative cohesiveness. The two and a half minute trailer tells a more engaging story than the two hour movie.

Looking at Melissa Rosenberg’s list of credits, you’d wonder how someone who writes for ‘Dexter,’ one of the most compelling shows on television, could write one of the blandest, most cliche riddled and melodramatic screenplays of our time, but scroll down her IMDb page a little more and you get your answer. She also wrote the first Twilight and the equally dreadful Step Up. Stick to TV, you’re clearly better there.

Now onto the acting… I got excited when I saw Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen pop up in the trailer. I remember thinking, “Ok, this film has some street-cred now.” But that was ultimately disappointing, as they appear on screen for a total of 5 minutes, with about 10 lines between the two of them. Billy Burke is charming as Charlie Swan, Bella’s dad, but is severely underutilized.

And if Burke is underutilized, then the three leads, Pattinson, Stewart and Taylor Lautner are drastically OVERutilized. If I were teaching an acting class in high school or college, and I did a section on “What not to do,” I’d have my students study and analyze the three leads in New Moon. I’ve heard the saying “couldn’t act their way out of a paper bag” before, and if you were to combine the acting talents of Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner… paper bag would win, hands down.

I’ve long said that Stewart has but 2 acting modes, nervous and awkward. She can now add a third to her repertoire- annoying.

Twilight is in the same category as Transformers 2, G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra, Indiana Jones: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and the Star Wars prequels. The filmmakers aren’t really caring about putting out a quality product, they just know that the brand will fill theatres. And the audiences are eating it up. It’s disgusting really. It makes me glad that I don’t pay for films.

Fantastic Mr. Fox – 4 stars

Wes Anderson? Good. George Clooney and Meryl Streep? Great. Taking on a beloved children’s book? Wait, what? I know, that’s what I said, but it was great, loved every minute of it.

Mr. Fox (Clooney) lives a carefree life of stealing poultry from local farmers. Upon news of the impending birth of his son, he makes a vow to his wife (Streep) to get out of the chicken thief business, and go legit. That satisfies him just fine for 12 fox years, then he starts to get that itch. He needs to get back in the game, much to the chagrin of his family and friends (featuring the vocal talents of Anderson regulars Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray and Willem Dafoe) and especially the local farmers Boggis, Bunce and Bean (Michael Gambon).

Anderson takes on stop motion, an animation style we see so rarely these days, but is always so engaging. It’s about finding the happy medium between live action and animation. More can be done and characters more richly drawn with the animation, yet there’s something tangible, something real about it. And it pulls you in.

He keeps the look and feel of his usual work. You can always tell a Wes Anderson film when you see it, and this is no different, and thankfully he’s left his signature in the realm of animation. And to his credit, he picked a story that had appeal to both kids and adults. Anderson fans could go see what they’ve come to expect, and younger filmgoers could not only get an entertaining story, but be introduced to the work of one of the most unique filmmakers of our era.

The only gripe is the vocal work. Sure it was, for the most part, good. Clooney brings his cocky charm to a role that almost seems tailor made for him. Streep has fun with her Mrs. Fox, and you can’t help but love Schwartzman’s Ash. But it all seemed just a bit lifeless. There were quite a few times where it felt like they were reading lines from a script, not acting. It just didn’t sit well with me.

But overall, I found the film entertaining and definitely worth a look in theatres.

Where The Wild Things Are – 4.5 stars. Spike Jonze fully realizes the children’s book, and captures the imagination. It’s a true love story with childhood.

Law Abiding Citizen – 3 stars. Good, solid performances from Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler highlight this revenge flick, but it all falls apart with a lackluster third act.

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant – 1 star. John C. Reilly is good, but this uninspired mess of a film is a ploy to offer counter programming for young males before the female audience gets the new Twilight film.

Saw VI – 2.5 stars. While it’s the best and most solid entry since Saw 2, the Saw films are starting to wear out their welcome.

Paranormal Activity – 4.5 stars. Well worth the hype, this no-budget viral film delivers on the scares, but the ending doesn’t quite sit well with me. They should have gone with one of the alternate endings.

The Men Who Stare At Goats – 4 stars. It’s a smarter film than the trailers may have let on, and with Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges great in supporting roles, this is one film not to miss.

A Christmas Carol – 3 stars. While beautifully animated, and well acted by Jim Carrey and Gary Oldman, it ultimately doesn’t bring anything to the Dickensian table. The Patrick Stewart TV-movie from 10 years ago still reigns supreme.

2012 – .5 star. The visuals are terrific, but even they can’t hide the fact that there’s no discernible plot, poorly developed characters, and a really stupid story. In fact… I make it the full 2.5 hours not really caring whether any of the characters make it or not. This makes The Day After Tomorrow look like Independence Day

Surrogates – 1.5 stars

Bruce Willis headlines this otherwise no-star cast in an entirely forgettable sci-fi film, set in a futuristic psuedo-utopian society where people have been replaced by robotic versions of themselves, all in an effort to create a safer society. And then it becomes not so safe, so robot Bruce Willis must solve the first murder in 15 years so society can become safe again.

I don’t know about you, but I’m growing tired of these films about unattainable utopias being deconstructed by their own gloriousness. There’s no imagination to destroying perceived perfection.

And as entertaining as Bruce Willis [always] is, even he couldn’t save this mess of a film. It was clearly a “paycheck” film. He walked through his role as if he was saying “Yeah, whatever, I’m a cop who has to save the world, where’s craft services?” But he is the only engaging part of the film.

Pandorum – 3 stars

Dennis Quaid and Ben Foster are two deep space astronauts who wake up to a deserted ship, and are left to figure out what went wrong on their 100+ year mission of colonizing a new-found Earth-like planet, while trying to battle crazed genetic mutations who have since overtaken their ship.

This is a truly confounding film, as I loved it and hated it at the same time. Mostly I loved one half of it, and strongly disliked the other half. The unfortunate thing of it is, is that it’s not a “first half/second half” type of thing. It’s the two plots that ran concurrently. This would have been a much better film had they left out the monsters running around the ship, and made it an isolation thriller. It was trying to be ‘Alien,’ but it failed miserably.

Plot points aside, Ben Foster is one of the most fascinating young actors working today. I will (and do) watch anything he’s in, and you should to. He’s one of those actors that is right on the verge of breaking out into mega-star status, he just needs to find that right part, that right project, to push him over the edge. This could have been it, but it came just short.

Zombieland – 5 stars

I know what you’re thinking, “Of course Brodie’s gonna give the zombie flick 5 stars.” Well, a) you’re right and b) it totally deserves every star.

We join our hero, Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), post outbreak, in a world over run with zombies, and he’s just doing his best to survive (so far it’s clearly working). Columbus meets up with Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) and form an odd partnership that will do them well just enough to survive. After they get hoodwinked by a pair of sisters, Wichita and Little Rock (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin, respectively), they join them to find a zombie free paradise, which is apparently at an amusement park in L.A.

This, is quite possibly, the perfect movie. It is exquisitely crafted from beginning to end, and keeps you laughing all the way through, but never skimps on the horror action. The ensemble cast works so well together that you hope they do more films together. Preferably more Zombieland films (it was originally written as a TV show).

What makes it work is that everything works. There is never a wasted joke, or a wasted scare. Every aspect of the film was brought together to be the best it could be. And the best was damn good. Zombieland is the movie of October, though as of this writing, I have yet to see Where The Wild Things Are.

Whip It – 3 stars

Drew Barrymore makes her directorial debut with this girl power roller derby flick starring Ellen Page, Juliette Lewis and Kristin Wiig. It’s got the heart, it’s got the laughs, it’s got the sports action, but it’s ultimately forgettable.

Page stars as Bliss Cavender, a high schooler in small town Texas looking for her place in life (aren’t they all), and she doesn’t think it’s the life of studies and beauty pageants her parents (Marcia Gay Harden and Daniel Stern) have set for her, so she looks to the all women Roller Derby in near by Austin for guidance. And that’s where, under the careless tutelage of derby stars, she finds what she loves and ultimately, her place.

It’s a fun, heartwarming teen flick, and definitely one of the modern good ones (there hasn’t been a great one in 15 years). Wiig, Harden and Stern all turn in outstanding performances. Page continues her reign as the poster girl for the indie-youth. And Barrymore takes a backseat to the rest of the stars, yet still turns in a memorable comic relief performance.

But while it may be a good teen flick, it’s still just a good one. I was entertained by it, but it didn’t leave much of an impression on me. And I think that could be unfortunately attributed to rookie director Drew Barrymore. I say unfortunately because she really does show great promise as a filmmaker, and I for one am looking forward to more work from her. But the film suffered greatly from pacing problems, and that is the key to it’s downfall. So, Drew, noble effort, it was entertaining, but just not quite there. Keep trying.

Couples Retreat – 1.5 stars

Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn back together? With a script they wrote? Also featuring Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell, Pete Serafinowicz and rising star Malin Ackerman? How could this miss? With a poorly written script filled with cheap, obvious jokes and relationship cliches, rounded out by a stereotypical ending that you could pretty much see coming once the opening credits are done.

Favreau, Vaughn, Bateman and Faizon Love head to a couples skill building retreat with their respective partners played by Kristen Davis, Ackerman, Bell and Kali Hawk. They each discover something about their relationships in order to make them stronger, and walk away more in love than when they got there. And we get some laughs along the way.

It’s a one joke concept, spread across two hours and four sets of characters. And while the combined talents are enough to make you think this is a surefire hit, when they aren’t given much to do, other than make the most basic and obvious of jokes at their marriage’s expense, it will fall flat and be mostly boring by the second act.

I’d like to see them re-do this film, with the same cast, but this time, try just a little bit harder.

I broke my personal record with that weekend with 5 films in one 3 day weekend. Beats the previous record of 4. I don’t know when that was. Couldn’t say. But I know this is a record. Rock on. Time for a blitz of film reviews.

9 – 4.5 stars

Elijah Wood, Jennifer Connelly, Martin Landau and John C. Reilly headline this animated fable of the end of the world. A literal rag-tag group of puppets attempt to salvage the last vestiges of humanity after the machines man created rose up and destroyed the world. Sounds like a great story for an animated film, right?

Well, it is. Engagingly directed by Shane Acker (based on his Oscar Nominated 2005 short film), this is one of the most beautifully and intricately animated films I have ever seen. It shows the big studios that animation is not just for kids, and stands a good chance to upset Pixar’s 2 year streak on Best Animated Feature.

Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs – 3 stars

I was skeptical going into this one. I loved this book as a kid. And I didn’t quite know how they would adapt it into a full narrative film. But I ended up being pleasantly surprised. The film follows Flint Lockwood in the town of Swallow Falls, where food falls from the sky like weather.

You have a well written script with plenty of funny jokes for the kids and adults, and a supremely talented voice cast including Bill Hader, James Caan, Anna Faris and Bruce Campbell. This is the animated film to take the kids to.

Extract – 3.5 stars

Mike Judge returns to the workplace comedy in this very entertaining film with Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Ben Affleck and Mila Kunis. Batman stars a factory owner/manager Joel who goes through a midlife crisis with his unsatisfactory marriage and stressful work environment.

Bateman, as always, delivers. You can’t go wrong with Jason Bateman. Same with Kristen Wiig. Affleck is enjoyable as the second fiddle stoner character. But what shines is the same thing that made Judge’s 1999 opus Office Space work, it’s the ability for the audience to relate to the characters. It’s not as tight, and nowhere near as funny as Office Space, but it’s still a decent enough flick.

The Informant! – 4 stars

Steven Soderbergh directs Matt Damon, Scott Bakula and Joel McHale in the true* story of corporate whistle blower Mark Whitacre, who exposed the international price fixing scheme of agri-business in the mid-90’s.

On the surface, it seems like the male version of Erin Brokovich, and it is. But it’s infinitely funnier due in no small part to the understated comedic brilliance of Matt Damon. Damon is routinely proving himself as one of the more versatile actors working today. And he makes the movie. So does Bakula, but I always dig Bakula.

Jennifer’s Body – 2 stars

Diablo Cody, fresh of her 2008 Oscar win, pen’s this high school horror flick about a teen queen played by Megan Fox who becomes possessed by a she-demon, and it’s up to Amanda Seyfried to bring an end to her murderous ways.

I’ve previously railed against the dreck passed off for modern horror, and this is no different, and couple that with the annoying dialogue of Cody and the talentless Fox, I’m left wondering exactly why this got so much advanced press. I also wonder why Seyfried doesn’t have the name recognition she so rightly deserves, as even in this film, she showcases infinitely more talent than Fox could ever hope to have.

I stayed away from writing full reviews for a good reason. I checked the forecast for movies following the great Inglourious Basterds, and it was a slew of crappy romantic comedies, crappy action flicks, and crappy horror flicks. If you saw the trailers, you knew they were destined to suck. September’s been kind of a dumping ground that’s good for bad films. The only one I had hopes for was Gamer, and as you’ll read in a few, that severely underwhelmed.

Halloween II – 1.5 stars – Rob Zombie (hopefully) completes his revisionist view of the saga of Michael Meyers. Not an improvement on the original franchise, or the first of Zombie’s remaking. It’s style over substance, and lacks style.

The Final Destination in 3D – 0 Stars – I have to give major props to the filmmakers on this one. They found a way to go down hill from rock bottom. The first one was mediocre at best. And it got worse from there. And kept getting worse.

Gamer – 0 stars – Gerard Butler and Michael C. Hall are great actors, but even they can’t rise above this drek. The nicest thing I can say about this film is that it’s stupid. It’s loud. No character or plot development.

All About Steve – 1 star – It has it’s charming quirks, but overall it was annoying. The message is forced on you. You’re beat over the head with it. Where’s that spark that gave Bradley Cooper and Sandra Bullock hits earlier this summer with The Hangover and The Proposal (respectively).

Whiteout – .5 stars – This movie is horrible. The thrills are boring, the acting is terrible. It gains half a star based on the merit of Tom Skerritt.

Sorority Row – 0 stars – It’s a completely unoriginal slasher flick devoid of any discernible social relevancy, other than killing off CW’s primetime lineup. It’s a slasher flick, but it doesn’t have a glimmer of the poignancy that it’s predecessor’s had. It doesn’t even try to. It’s all about the hot chicks. And about half way through, I kinda stopped caring about the hot chicks.

And that leads me to the commentary portion of the blog. And I will warn you, the language will get a little rough.

What the hell happened to American horror? Right up through the mid-late 90’s, American horror was great, and if not great, still good. That’s an overall statement. There are of course shitty horror flicks throughout the ages. But there have been great ones. And they run the gamut of sub-genres. But up there, you saw, that of the 4 horror films in the past 3 weeks, the highest rated one was a sequel to a remake (a special level of unoriginality). What we’re getting are cheap scares, remakes, sequels or bullshit “Based on a true story” ghost stories. Seriously. If you see “Based on a true story” attached to a horror flick, it’s bullshit.

I think it’s that the filmmakers aren’t trying anymore. They’re opting for cheap scares (person jumps around a corner/loud noise across the room/power going out, what have you). They rarely take the time to build the suspense. I find myself bored and annoyed more than I’m truly frightened. And I can’t go back and watch the classics that did scare me, because I know them now. They’re familiar to me.

Of the best examples of horror from the past 10 years, The Sixth Sense is the only one that was really, really good. Sure, M. Night Shayamalan has turned into a joke at this point, but in 1999, that was a very effective horror film. And it does still hold up. 2009’s The Collector Was good. It wasn’t great. But it was good. Effective is a good word to use for it.

While I usually hold disdain for the uninspired, cliche ridden borefests that are the remakes, this year’s remake of The Last House on The Left actually stayed true to the spirit of the original, and had big brass balls to the important, if highly disturbing, rape scene. It’s what set the tone for the film, and without it, couldn’t be the catalyst for the ensuing carnage. It’s what got the original banned in several countries for years (decades even), and they showed enormous respect for the source material by keeping it in. They kept with the spirit, so I do give it at least some credit for that.

P.S. on that… The Descent was British, as was 28 Days Later…, and we’re talking American horror.

The Saw franchise recalls the the 70’s/80’s hey day of franchising the horror, and bundling it with a pseudo-morality tale of “Value your life.” But like the great franchises (Halloween, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street), the quality decreases exponentially with each subsequent entry. We’re on the 6th this coming Halloween, by the way. They still deliver, don’t get me wrong. It’s just going stale. Still a guilty pleasure though.

But the downfall of American horror is traceable to one event. One day. One movie. One 1 hour and 51 minute piece. It hit the world 13 years ago, and so utterly destroyed the horror genre, that it can only be described as perfection. It’s one of my all time favourite films. Created by a horror master. I’m talking, of course, of the last frighteningly exquisite film- Scream.

Wes Craven is a master. Up there with his forefathers in greatness- Hitchcock, Murnau and Romero. He and John Carpenter carried the horror torch through the 70’s and 80’s, and defined the genre for subsequent generations.

And I think… I think Craven had a Victor Frankenstein moment in the mid-90’s. He saw what damage his creature had wrought. Or would bring. He saw the sensibilities of the general mainstream audiences shift. He knew that horror as it was wouldn’t last. That it would slowly degrade into terribleness. And rather than become a casualty, he became the perpetrator

Craven felt the best thing to do was go out in a blaze of glory. Enter Scream. It is at all times knowingly ironic, the most meta of meta. I think the term meta only had the vaguest of definitions until Scream arrived. The movie came out and Webster said “That’s it. That is fucking meta. Finally. Entry complete. Next word.”

Scream was, first and foremost, a satire. And it’s quite possibly the perfect parody. All the conventions of horror, specifically of the slasher sub-genre, where what Craven had created. He knew the ins and outs. It was his creation to destroy. But rather than make a silly, goofy, unwatchable Scary Movie, hinthintwinkwink, he played it straight. Craven went all out.

Get a few sorta popular TV stars, Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox, then of “Party of Five” and “Friends,” respectively. Add in a few more young, attractive stars with Drew Barrymore, Rose McGowan, Matthew Lillard and Skeet Ulrich. Round it out with David Arquette and Jamie Kennedy for comic relief, and he was on his way.

Again, the only way to do this, was to do it proper. Drew Barrymore’s been a star all her life. She was perhaps the biggest star in the film. And was heavily featured in the promotional materials. Craven did the unthinkable. Drew gets gutted 10 minutes in. What follows is an intense hour and a half of the leads discussing horror films, how the plot is playing out like a horror film, what would happen next if it was a horror film, what they would do if it was a horror film. The whole thing is ridiculously self-referential. But not only was it highlighting the cliches, but it was not only playing them out, but tweaking them ever so slightly.

It was still able to deliver on the scares, on the shocks. And you could really see the foresight Craven had for future horror. He went violent and gory, which led to the glut of “torture porn” in the 2000’s.

The biggest plus was that while the movie was in on it’s own joke, it never gave a wink and a nod. You never got that “See, we know it’s a joke, too. Get it?” The movie played it straight. Big plus.

And that’s what it did. The movie lived up to the cliches, but deconstructed them at the same time. You couldn’t take a horror film seriously after Scream. It’s like when a kid takes apart a vacuum cleaner to see what makes it work, and then puts it back together. Sure it works… just not quite the same as before.

And horror hasn’t been the same since. There hasn’t been a great one since Scream. And I’m waiting for the next great one to come along.

After sitting with District 9 for too long, and subsequently writing a lot about it, I realized I wouldn’t have room for all the reviews I needed to get done. Especially with Inglorious Basterds thrown in the mix (I could write pages on Tarantino. I have, before) So 3 mini-reviews, and the 2 full reviews.

The Time Travelers Wife: 2 stars – competent love story, well acted by the leads (Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana). But falls apart with the application of time travel. Creates too many unresolved paradoxes (paradoxi?).

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard: 2.5 stars – Oh, sure, it’s got it’s funny moments, beyond what’s in the trailer. But it takes a shotgun approach to the humour. Hope something, anything, will stick. Ed Helms shines.

Post Grad: 3 stars – Full of charm. Very topical. Carol Burnett was great, Michael Keaton steals every scene he’s in. Alexis Bledel needs to shake “Gilmore Girls”.

District 9

5 Stars

What do you get when you cross a compelling character study, race relation politics, and visitors from another world? The perfect sci-fi film. Neill Blomkamp’s District 9.

30 years after an alien ship mysteriously appeared over Johannesburg, South Africa, the E.T.s have been quarantined to District 9, a slum area. MNU official Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley) has been charged with informing the Prawns (slang term for the aliens) of their forced relocation to District 10, only to unfortunately come in contact with a bio-weapon in the process. So as to not give away any spoilers on the film, I’ll just say that this sets off an chain of events that leads to Wikus aiding a Prawn in his attempt to get back to his home world.

I’ve long lamented that a problem with mainstream science fiction is that it’s too much on the comedy/action, not enough on the science or deeper, more probing issues that it could be. And don’t get me wrong, I love those kind, too. But the think piece sci-fi’s are much more compelling. And unfortunately they’re few and far between. This is one of those few times.

While several (good) films do tend to view alien visitors through rose coloured lenses, District 9 takes a much bleaker, more pragmatic view of the visitors. We, humans, round up the aliens, put them in slums, and treat them like second, nay, third class citizens. And it very rightly raises the question of, given today’s society and global political spectrum… is that not what we would do? And it’s disheartening to think that the answer could very well be yes.

History is littered with this sort of thing. Americans and the blacks. Americans and the Indians. Pretty much WASPs and non-WASPs in America. Apartheid in South Africa. Serbian ethnic cleansing. And of course the Holocaust, the extreme side. Turning this dark side of our history on it’s head, and forcing us to look at how we act, which is out of fear, and how we would treat these visitors. And it’s scathingly brilliant.

All due credit must go to star Sharlto Copley. The star of the film could have been the script, could have been the effects, could have been the action sequences. But Copley, who astonishingly is starring in his first full length feature, carries the film on his shoulders, and pulls you into his character and you get a connection the likes of which are rarely seen these days. Especially in sci-fi. His transformation from goofy bureaucrat with magnified character flaws to reluctant and sympathetic hero. He plays Wikus straight, the whole way through. There’s no wink and nod that this is a sci-fi flick. And to his credit, you forget that there are aliens, due to his commitment to the story and to the character.

And of course, writer/director Neill Blomkamp. His unflinching and uncompromising daring in his desire to make his movie, and leave his stamp on the world. He disregarded the norm and and made this wonderful think piece that taps into the audience’s desire to be challenged with something new and fresh, as well as their comfortable familiarity with the conventions of sci-fi/action. He fuses the two together, and walks away with the film of the year.

If you see one film in theatres this year, make it District 9, you won’t be disappointed. I will be if it doesn’t garner the recognition it so rightly deserves come award season.

Inglourious Basterds

4.5 Stars

It’s slick. It’s engrossing. It’s comical. It’s got gratuitous action. It’s got engaging dialogue. You’re drawn to characters you shouldn’t like. And above all else, it’s over the top. Yes, Quentin Tarantino has a new film out. And yes, it’s every bit as good as one could hope for (though I am a QT fanboy, so there is that).

Tarantino takes his unique vision and style all the way back to World War II, where the Basterds, a small military unit comprised of American Jews led by Lt. Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt) are embedded in Nazi occupied France, and they do what they do best: Kill Nazis. They get a shot at the big dog himself, Adolf Hitler, when he decides to attend a movie premiere (several high ranking Nazi officials will also be in attendance). Little known fact to all involved, the theatre where the premiere is being held is owned and operated by a French Jew who saw her family slaughtered at the hands of a cold-hearted SS Colonel.

They say history is written by the winners. I’d rather it be written by Tarantino. His revisionist history is way more entertaining and satisfying than what actually happened. No other group of people represent the embodiment of evil more so than the Nazi’s. And pop culture pot shots at them are a guilty pleasure of most, whether they’re willing to admit it or not. And seeing them get their sweet, bloody, gory, gratuitous comeuppance satisfies the deep, internal, hidden bloodlust we all have.

The Basterds are so cavalier, so nonchalant that what they do, you can’t help but laugh, and get a sick glee out of watching them do what they do. Raine comments that they enjoy watching Donny (Eli Roth) beat Nazi’s, and there is a pleasure, a satisfaction in watching Lt. Donowitz go to town on a Nazi with a baseball bat.

Tarantino pulls no less than three amazing performances from his actors. First off, Brad Pitt. I’ve been touting the merits of Pitt for years. He really is quite good. And this exemplifies not only his ability to take on a character, but his comedic timing. While he doesn’t have the chameleon-like talents of some of his contemporaries, he does get into his character, and doesn’t let himself take over the character. He is a man who understands the craft. And he gives one of his career defining performances.

Melanie Laurent, virtually unknown to American audiences (myself included, I won’t be one of those snobs who pretends to be 100% versed in foreign cinema and holds nothing but feigned disdain for American works) gives a heartfelt yet brutal performance as the vengeance seeking Shosanna Dreyfus, a young French-Jewish girl hiding in plain sight who orchestrates a mass killing of the high ranking Nazi’s and the societal elite at her theatre. She takes the character template laid down by Uma Thurman in Kill Bill, a woman with laser-like focus on revenge, amplifies it, and pulls you into her own personal struggle.

But the most intriguing character, and the truly most brilliant performance of the year, hands down belongs to German actor Christoph Waltz as SS Col. Hans Landa. Waltz never plays him as over the top evil. Instead, he’s cold, calculating, and there’s a hint of sarcasm to him. To the character, not the portrayal. Waltz made the right choice in playing it straight. In a film filled with outlandish characters, someone has to be the straight man. And why can’t it be a Nazi. You don’t like him. You’re not sympathetic to him. But you are oddly drawn to him. There hasn’t been such an effective villain on film since that other famous Hans. Gruber, of course, from Die Hard. Waltz took the time to understand this character, and gave the performance of the year (up there with the previously mentioned Sharlto Copley in District 9).

No one writes dialogue like Tarantino. It’s almost lyrical. You’re fully engaged in every scene he writes. Every sentence. Every word. He’s not there to waste anyone’s time. In WWII revenge flick, you’ll go 20-30 minutes in between scenes of action, and that’s not really a problem. I sat enraptured by it.

That said, this leads to the one gripe that I had with this film, and it is similar to my frustration with Tarantino’s previous cinematic effort, Death Proof. If you remember, in cinemas, Death Proof was one half of the Grindhouse double feature, alongside his figurative brother Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror. DP showed second, and it really killed the flow. You had all this action with PT, then BAM 30 minutes of dialogue. It messed with the pacing. But I looked over it, knowing that they were two separate films, and I could watch them in whatever order I wanted at home on DVD. But with Inglourious Basterds, he’s suffering from pacing problems. He’ll hit you with a burst of fun action, then slam the brakes for dialogue. Rise up to the action, and hit the brakes again. It was frustrating. Tarantino, you didn’t used to have these problems. Maybe you’re slipping in your old age. Who knows?

But this is definitely one of the top films of the year. Thank you August for reaffirming my faith in ’09 cinema, after a pretty dismal year, thus far.

4 Full reviews and 2 brief ones

G-Force – 2 stars – When harmless is a bad thing. Kids may find this enjoyable, and if you find yourself being forced to see it, go the extra mile and see it in 3D.

The Collector – 4 stars – Great horror film that works on two levels. The shock and disgust of violence and gore, and the psychological fear of a cold, calculating unknown, unexplained villain. Reaffirms my faith in modern American horror.

The Ugly Truth

2.5 Stars

What do you get when you combine the cliches of a run of the mill romantic comedy and the bawdy humour of a boy’s night out? It’s still predictable, it’s still mediocre, but you get a few more unexpected laughs than normal.

Katherine Heigl stars as Abby, a romantically challenged TV show producer, forced to hire Gerard Butler’s Mike, a self-proclaimed relationship expert due to declining ratings, and the two instantly clash. But when Abby falls for her new neighbour, she seeks Mike’s advice for dating the guy, no matter how outlandish they become.

Fun, safe plot, huh? Well, it follows the usual trajectory, most recently seen in The Proposal just one short month ago. You can pretty much tell where it’s going to go from watching the trailer. So if you’re looking for a safe bet, a sure thing, this is the film to check out.

Heigl is making it really hard for audiences to like her. Off screen she decries the characters offered to women, yet routinely plays to the stereotype on screen. Butler really is the saving grace. Beneath his rugged good looks and action star physique lies a sharp wit and impeccable comedic timing. Think Scottish Brad Pitt.

But despite the funny jokes that will have you roaring with laughter and squirming at the over raunchiness for what you would expect to be a tame romantic comedy, the blending of the two may leave a weird after taste in your mouth. It works to a point, but you’re not really sure what kind of movie you just watched. I must refer you to Kevin Smith, the master of meshing frank dialogue with a relationship centric plot.

This one’s worth a rent, not a theatrical visit.

Funny People

4.5 Stars

Sure Judd Apatow has his name on just about everything these days. And sure, Seth Rogan is everywhere and it’s been easy to take shots at him for being overexposed. And sure, Adam Sandler has seen better days. But that all changes with Funny People.

Sandler plays George Simmons, a fictional version of himself, an actor/comedian who learns he has a rare form of lukemia, and decides to take Ira Wright (Seth Rogan) under his wing, and the two together re-evaluate George’s life.

The thing about Judd Apatow is that he has this ability to create characters he really cares about, and subsequently you really care about, and also make them really funny.

Adam Sandler finally finds that balance he’s been searching for in recent years between his comedic goofy persona and his serious work. You get a man who is faced with his own mortality, and is still able to crack jokes about it. And that is what still appeals to the everyman in the audience.

The only real gripe I have about this movie is that it is overly long and does drag at points. It feels like two films about the same thing. The first part is about a man dealing with his potential death, the second part is him reconciling with a former love. It could have been two movies had they done a little more with each. But each story was shortened and put into one film, causing it to drag a bit.

It’s still one of the best films of the year, and not one to be missed.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

.5 Stars

I said I’d give this film 5 stars if there was a PSA at the end. That was a joke. And there wasn’t. Good news is that there’s still a 5 star review for it. But as you can see, there’s a decimal point and nothing else in front of the 5. And that half a star is being generous.

After a failed mission to protect a highly volatile new warhead, Duke and Ripcord meet up with the covert-ops squad G.I. Joe (Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity) to recover the warhead, and stop a megalomaniacal arms manufacturer from causing chaos in the world.

I guess I should start with a positive thing or two about the film. Brendan Fraser’s brief cameo as who I can only assume is Beach-Head (possibly Sgt. Slaughter, but why not cast Sgt. Slaughter?) was a lot of fun, cause he’s in, he’s out, and it was kinda cool. I enjoyed Sienna Miller’s portrayal of the Baroness… to a point, possibly more on that later. Dennis Quaid was great as General Hawk. And then there was… umm….well… there was, wait no…. ok, I got nothing else.

Otherwise, holy crap what a tragedy! What an insult. At least the first Transformers film had respect for the source material. It seems director Stephen Sommers and his team of 6 writers (Sommers being one of them) got a character list and said “We’ll do whatever we want.” The comedy was ill timed, the characters were all over the place, and it just wasn’t G.I. Joe.

Since I am advising that you don’t even bother wasting your time with this, I am going to get into some spoilers. If you feel that you must endure this travesty of a film, then skip on down to the Julie & Julia review. What the hell was with The Baroness and Cobra Commander being brother and sister? What was with The Baroness and Duke having a romantic past? They couldn’t have possibly done a worse job with the Baroness (again, Miller’s portrayal was fine, and the problems I have with the character are purely the fault of the writers). They were setting up the film for potential sequels. But The Baroness is historically such a phenomenal villain, and they destroyed all that. How can she go back to being a villain after her realization that she wasn’t under her own control?

The action and special effects weren’t pulse pounding. They weren’t edge of your seat. They were slouch in your seat out of boredom, laughably bad. I was bored by the climactic chase sequence through the streets of Paris. You know what it reminded me of? Team America: World Police. In fact, this whole film was a psuedo-serious Team America that wasn’t in on the joke.

If you liked the show, if you liked the animated film, if you liked the action figures, don’t see this film. It will ruin your childhood. Even though Shia LaBeouf isn’t in it.

Julie & Julia

3.5 Stars

I recognize Meryl Streep as a great actress. She is. She’s phenomenal. I never got all “OMG! BEST ACTRESS EVER! I HEART MERYL STREEP!” But, yeah, I dig her work. And this, Julie & Julia, is some of her best, funniest work, and it doesn’t hurt that she has the great Amy Adams as her foil, and the equally great Stanley Tucci supporting her.

Julie & Julia is the tale of two true stories. Julia Child’s (Streep) as she masters the art of French cooking and attempts to make it accessable to American cooks, and Julie Powell’s (Adams) as she cooks her way through Child’s book in a year and blogs about it.

This is two great movies. Combined for one, it’s kind of a mess. It tries to correlate the parallels between Powell and Child, and what they discover on their respective journeys, jumping back and forth between the two stories. But it spends too much time on each. Just as you’re getting into the story, writer/director Nora Ephron violently pulls you away and thrusts you into the other one. And back and forth like that for two hours. I’m digging each story equally, but I’m also pissed off that I can’t fully follow them.

But the ADD like flip flopping aside, it is such a funny script. Streep is hilarious and Adams holds her own against the insurmountable force that is Streep. It never feels like they’re reaching for a joke. The comedy comes naturally, from these two women and their experiences and their characters. And it’s that humour that holds your attention through the film. And because of that humour, you’re with the characters when they do hit the serious points. You’re with them the whole way through. It’s great.

This is a film that everybody can enjoy. Fellas, skip the G.I. Joe this weekend, take your lady to Julie & Julia, you’ll thank me for it later.