Sex and the City: The Movie

3 Stars

Remember how last week it pained me to rate Indiana Jones 4 so low at 3 stars? This week… it pains me more to rate Sex and the City so high at 3 stars. But it’s not that I liked it. But from the completely objective film critic standpoint… it wasn’t as completely terrible as I thought it was going to be.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristen Davis and Cynthia Nixon return as Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda in the spin off movie of the hit HBO series. What have they been doing in the four years since we last saw them? Finding love, starting families, pursuing careers. Lots of sex. Oh and Carrie’s getting married to Mr. Big (Chris Noth).

Let me get the completely objective film critic stuff out of the way first. One problem in adapting a TV show for the big screen is overcoming the episodic nature of the show. The show was half an hour long. Writer/director Michael Patrick King had to stretch the already thin premise (as Brian Griffin once commented on an episode of Family Guy: “So… this show is about three whores and their grandmother?”) from half an hour to a full TWO AND A HALF HOURS! What we were given was a sloppy, convoluted mess of a film that had little direction.

It was trying to take a cue from Love Actually by interweaving multiple story lines into one over all plot. But Love Actually was able to deftly maneuver between the several sub-plots. Sex and the City wasn’t. There should have been one story that was the primary focus, not four (in a sense, five).

And the Cinderella subtext was either the worst analogy ever, or the worst deus ex machina ever, I have yet to decide, or even figure out, which it was.

I have caught a few episodes of the series. I will admit to that. And this film felt like nothing more than a really long episode. When it comes to cinematic versions of current or recent television shows, there needs to be some expansion on the world of the show. I had the same criticism for The Simpsons Movie, where it didn’t “go as far” as it should have. Both flicks just felt like long episodes, there wasn’t a real special cinematic quality to them.

On the plus, all involved put forth strong performances. Even if we’re just talking an extended version of their TV characters. It worked to their advantage to do the movie so soon after the show had ended. They weren’t too far removed from the characters. Particularly Parker and Noth, they slipped back into the characters and put forth some relatively compelling scenes.

But through it all… as a critic I’ll give it props. It wasn’t completely terrible. There is an audience for it. Women. The ladies will love this movie. And that’s why it’s a PERFECT girls night out movie. It is NOT a date movie, however. Ladies, leave your boyfriends/fiancees/husbands at home. Guys, go watch Indiana Jones.

As a guy myself, I’m pretty sure we’re protected from this film by several parts of the Geneva Convention. For guys, there is nothing to like about this film. It’s girls talking about girl stuff for two and a half hours. And it’s not even interesting girl stuff.

I consider myself to be a relatively smart person. And it bugged me that the characters were so vapid and shallow. But beyond that, I don’t know what infuriates me more: that there are people who are actually like that, or that there are people who want to be like that.

Like I said, completely objective critic P.O.V., ladies will love it, and the film is not without it’s merits. But guys, seriously, avoid at all costs.

-Brodie Mann

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

3 stars

That right there, giving it 3 stars, pains me. I really wanted to like this more. But because George Lucas was involved, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull went from a moderately enjoyable to completely ridiculous faster than Dr. Jones can piss off the Nazi party.

It’s been about 20 years since we last saw Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones, Jr. (Harrison Ford), and that’s how much time has passed in his little movie-verse. The year is 1957, right in the middle of the Cold War, and the KGB, led by Irina Spalko (Cate Blancett) has enlisted the help of Indiana to track down the famed and elusive Crystal Skull of Akator, with ties to a lost city of gold in Peru. Don’t worry, Indy hasn’t gone Red. He’s an unwilling participant, the KGB is using him for his knowledge of ancient artifacts. After he narrowly escapes a nuclear blast test (thank you 1957 home appliance construction), Indy returns to his day job: college professor, only to find out a former colleague, Dr. Oxley (John Hurt) has been captured by the KGB, and Ox’s protege, Mutt Williams (Shia Labeouf) has come to Dr. Jones for assistance in tracking down Ox. Which leads them to Peru and the search for the Crystal Skull.

I can’t really get into more without revealing key plot details, but that’s the long and short of it. And it’s a really great premise.

Indiana Jones 4 succeeded where several reboots and sequels have failed. It didn’t fall into the trap of “Hey, remember this from the original? It was funny then, so we’re gonna do it 20 times in the new one.” *cough*Pirates 2*cough* It alluded to the original trilogy, in so much as it provided good bridging stories for several favourite characters, including Dr. Jones, Sr. and Marcus Brody. And there certain logical references, including a flash of the Ark of the Covenant in a secret hanger. But it never strayed into the territory of *nudge nudge wink wink*.

The problem is that it is 20 years on. Harrison Ford is showing his age. The franchise is showing its age. The 80’s were a different cinematic landscape than the 00’s (I believe the preferred nomenclature is the Odds, or something like that). And I appreciate the throwback to both the original franchise specifically, and to the old serial genre in general.

In the 80’s, the films were centered the mythos surrounding the Judeo-Christian faith, and they took several liberties with it in the name of entertainment. And let me state that that was always the intended purpose of the films: to entertain. And they all, including this new one, succeeded fantastically at entertaining. But in 2008, the social climate concerning religious dogma, particularly concerning the Judeo-Christian faith, has become more of a taboo than it was 20-30 years ago. And I think that hindered the development process of the Indy 4. They had to take on a new artifact from a different era and a different culture. Maybe that strayed a bit too far out of my Indiana Jones comfort zone.

But since they went with the ancient Mayans, let’s focus on that. Really entertaining, and I stuck with it even through Mutt Williams swinging on vines like Tarzan. But where it jumped the shark into complete ridiculousness was the end, when it switched from Spielberg to Lucas real fast. I sat in the theatre thinking “What the hell?” Only I used a slightly stronger word in place of hell. I still can’t grasp my head around the ending. Oh, I understood it. I just can’t believe that they did it, because it’s so phenomenally stupid. And the thing of it is, is that it’s not entirely stupid. Just one aspect. Had they ended the sequence a few minutes sooner, it would have been semi-OK. But no, they went for it, and it’s just a severe letdown.

Ford slips back into Indiana Jones like an old baseball mitt. He’s dusting it off, finding his comfort zone, all the little spots that made the character his own. But there are definite signs of aging. Fortunately he doesn’t come across as an old guy trying to recapture his youth. He plays the character as too old for the action, but he does it anyway, and he does it brilliantly.

I can’t finish this review without talking about Cate Blanchett. There are so few great villainous roles written for women, and she’s the perfect actress to take it on. She’s the finest of our time, and throws in the right amount of villainy, naivety and curiosity.

I spoke earlier of the throwbacks to the original trilogy, and perhaps the biggest and best was saved for the third act. Karen Allen returns as Marion Ravenwood. It brings the story full circle, rather than being a cheap attempt to bridge the films.

If you liked the original trilogy, you’ll be entertained by Crystal Skull. But don’t expect it to be the greatest Indy film, because it isn’t. As much as that pains me to write.

– Brodie Mann

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

4.5 Stars

You know, Peter Jackson, god bless him, but he set the bar so impossibly high for epic fantasy film making. Damn your rings and the lords of them. However… directer Andrew Adamson continues to come within striking distance of said bar with his thus-far very impressive and equally epic Chronicles of Narnia series, continuing this past week with part 2, Prince Caspian.

So, the Pevensie children, Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy (William Moseley, Anna Popplewell, Skandar Keynes and Georgie Henley, respectively), when we left them at the end of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, they had vanquished the White Witch, brought peace to Narnia, and grown up to be legendary Kings and Queens. Then they get transported back to the real world, where literally no time has passed, and they are back to being kids. In the second installment, it’s a year later for them, yet 1300 years have passed in Narnia. And they return after Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) calls for them on Susan’s mystical horn. Caspian is the rightful heir to the throne, but in a move reminiscent of the Bard, his uncle, King Miraz (Sergio Castellitto) made a deadly move for the throne by killing Caspian’s father. Miraz is a tyrant, all the Narnians are now thought to be extinct, yet they’re just living in hiding. So Caspian, along with the Pevensies, must bring peace, order and balance back to Narnia.

As previously stated, the bar for epic fantasy is so, well, epically high, that it seems almost unattainable. And it’s hard to compare The Chronicles of Narnia to Lord of the Rings, because they are so different thematically, in tone, in presentation, in style and in it’s target demographic. The target audience for LotR is people who perpetually live in a fantasy land, while living in their parents’ house, having never had sex, while the target audience for Narnia is children.

But there is still that similar genre, so comparisons must be made. The reason the Narnia films have done, and will continue to do, so well where others like Eragorn and Golden Compass and even Bridge to Terabithia have failed is that it seems to refuse to placate to the childhood nostalgia aspect. The others have played it safe by staying safely within the realm of “kids movie,” never having to invest a lot in grabbing older audiences. But Narnia is going all out in it’s movie making. While it is significantly toned down, when compared to LotR, it doesn’t feel like a “kids movie.” And it is the one series, I feel, that can truly be enjoyed on every level by kids, parents, and even grandparents.

Adamson presents the film, and the story, for that matter, as is. He doesn’t “dumb it down” for the kids, and he doesn’t get too convoluted with the storytelling. He respects the source material, C.S. Lewis, and the audience, and that’s the strongest thing this film has going for it. And despite the PG rating, the battle scenes are really intense. Very well done.

I always take time to discuss the actors, because they need to respect the material just as much as the director or writer does. Adamson gets some absolutely fantastic performances from the young actors, who descend in age at 21, 19, 16 and 12 (Moseley, Popplewell, Keynes and Henley). Their grasp of the characters they play, the importance of the script, their handling of the script, and the subsequent gravitas they bring to the characters shows talent that some actors more than twice their age struggle to exhibit. With the third installment, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader already in pre-production (set for a 2010 release), I’m gonna miss Moseley and Popplewell. Peter and Susan are not in that book (not for long anyway), so they won’t really be in the flick. And they’ll be missed. By me anyway.

Definitely hit the theatres for this one.

Speed Racer

3 Stars

I’ve often pondered if a movie can scrape by on sheer entertainment factor alone. Speed Racer answers yes, but barely.

Based on the 60’s anime series (check out the first season on Hulu), Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) is the kid brother of racing legend Rex Racer, who walked out on the family business and met an untimely death in a cross country rally race. Ten years later, Speed is the next big thing in racing, and he must now compete to save his family’s independent auto company, and to bring honour back to the sport of racing. In order to do so he must compete in the same race that killed his brother, there-by qualifying for the Grand-Prix. He’s able to do so with the help of his father Pops (John Goodman), girlfriend Trixie (Christina Ricci), mechanics Sparky and Spritle (Kick Gurry and Paulie Litt) and the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox).

I defended this flick for a long time because I figured it would come up against the same kind of nay-sayers that 300 hit last year. They just wouldn’t understand the filmmaker’s vision and direction. What Andy and Larry Wachowski were going for is a bizarre amalgamation of live action and anime. And fortunately for the film, they accomplish it. It’s a high energy, very kinetic, very fantastical film. I was dazzled by the sheer ballsiness of it. And it did entertain me for the entirely too long 135 minute run time.

But it came apart in the writing. That’s where it got it’s length. Too often the story plodded along toward the action. That could be the problem with translating anime to a feature film. Anime is known for taking forever to go somewhere (and why it got so popular with the ADD afflicted youth of America, I’ll never understand). And it’s sort of an irony of hypocrisies that the film called Speed Racer moves at a snails pace. But the Wachowski’s never seemed to figure out that this wasn’t a high concept action flick like The Matrix. It was a film based on an anime about a guy who races a really cool car to fight corporate corruption and avenge his brother’s death. Stick to the racing guys.

But the remarkably talented cast did their damnedest to work with the little they were given. Hirsch (Alpha Dog, Into the Wild) has set himself up as one of the most promising young actors in the game, and even with the kitchy dialog and drawn out non-racing scenes, you get this sense that he really is trying to do both his talent and the material justice. If only the Wachowski’s had done the same.

Ricci (Black Snake Moan) is pitch perfect as Trixie. As is Goodman (The Big Lebowski) as Pops. The two seemed to have a deeper understanding of the characters, that went beyond what was handed to them at rehearsals. Granted, Pops and Trixie aren’t the most complex characters in the world, but they certainly are fun, and iconic in their own way. They knew it was important to get the characters right, and they did. Kudos to them.

I would have to say that kids and those with only a passing interest in the original Speed Racer would enjoy this (especially kids), as the more hard core fans will only leave the theatre disappointed and feeling nothing but resentment and disdain for the brothers Wachowski.

– Brodie Mann

Iron Man

5 Stars

The trailer for this film spoke volumes. The film… speaks an entire library. It falls in line with the great superhero films, like Spider-Man 2 and Batman Begins. And in some ways, tops them. Such is Iron Man.

Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.) is a multi-billion dollar industrialist who made his money from weapons development for the military. After experiencing the destructive nature of his arms first hand while a hostage in Afghanistan, Stark feels it necessary to change his life’s goal, much to the chagrin of his business partner, Obadiah Stane (Jeff Bridges). Keeping Stark on track and in line are his assistant/love interest Pepper Pots (Gwyneth Paltrow) and his military liaison/best friend Jim Rhoades (Terrance Howard). In order to combat his former war profiteering ways, Stark develops an advanced suit of armor with the latest in robotics, computers, weaponry and metals, leading him to be affectionately known as the Iron Man.

In recent years, mostly since 2005’s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Downey has become one of my favourite actors. and the character of Stark/Iron Man is the best for him. Or maybe he’s the best for the character. The thing fascinating thing about Stark is his motives behind being a hero. With Batman it’s revenge, Superman the desire to do good and Spider-man it’s guilt. But with Iron Man, it’s atonement. Stark experiences first hand the wrath of his weapons. And then he realizes that he has to do more than just denounce weapons production. He has to right his wrongs. Only way to do that, is to be Iron Man.

And that’s where Downey takes over. Downey has a knack for playing uniquely troubled characters. Tony Stark is one that he deeply understands, as he himself is a fan of the comic book. Downey figured out the character, and enveloped it. Too many times we had Brandon Routh as Superman or Tom Jane as The Punisher. But with this, it was Robert Downey, Jr. is Iron Man.

But Downey, as talented as he is, did not make this flick on his own. There was the bizarre, inexplicable romantic chemistry between him and Paltrow, as his long suffering assistant Pepper Potts. The two actors have had very different careers, and never in a million years would I have picked those two to portray romantic leads in a film. But for some reason, it worked. The fact that they are so different, and so are the characters, made it work.

Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski, Arlington Road) is an actor, who if you were to ask me to define his career, I couldn’t. He’s played a multitude of characters in a myriad of different genres. But his turn as the villainous Obadiah Stane/War Monger is a fantastic look at a villain. He wasn’t the traditional villain. He wasn’t driven by hatred for the hero, or megalomaniacal desires. He’s driven by protecting his own interests in war profiteering. He’s the embodiment of true villainy. He’s looking out for number one, and he’s protecting his greedy interest. He’s got no real regard for anyone else, just himself. He’s the perfect counterpoint to Downey’s Stark.

Director Jon Favreau deserves a lot of the credit for this film. He kept the reigns on the story to keep it from getting too out there, and actually explored the practical science of Iron Man. Sure you have to suspend some disbelief as several pieces of technology don’t exist or completely defy laws of physics. But a lot of it is very interesting. And Favreau, like Downey, knows and understand the material. He was able to respectfully bring Iron Man to the big screen.

I highly recommend this for anyone. It combines what made the dreadful Fantastic Four popular and what made Batman Begins so damn good. It finds the balance with light fun, hard core action and in-depth character study.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

4.5 Stars

You’d think that in the 3 years since Judd Apatow hit it big with his heartwarmingly raunchy The 40 Year Old Virgin, he’d start to lose some steam. But with the Apatow produced Forgetting Sarah Marshall, he’s proved that he’s got more than enough material to keep going.

Composer Peter Bretter (Jason Segel) gets dumped by his TV star girlfriend of five years, the titular Sarah Marshall (Kristen Bell). In an effort to clear his head and escape the anguish of the break up, and at the suggestion of his well-meaning step-brother Brian (Bill Hader), he takes a week long vacation to a Hawaiian resort. Unfortunately for him, Sarah is vacationing at the same resort with her new fling, pop sensation Aldous Snow (Russell Brand). Luckily for Peter, he’s got sexy hotel clerk Rachel Jensen (Mila Kunis) to take his mind of everything.

Segel’s (Freaks and Geeks, Knocked Up) script is one of damn near perfection. It approaches the level of comedic balance and precision that one rarely sees these days. You are busting a gut, laughing your ass off, but then he comes in with a really poignant scene to center it, then explodes it all over again. All within minutes.

The best scene to exemplify this, is the now infamous Jason Segel nude scene, where you get to see Jason’s Segel. And some credit must go to director Nicholas Stoller (making his feature debut) for this. But normal scene, nothing particular hilarious. Peter gets dumped by Sarah, she’s going through the “I love you, but…” speech. Peter just happens to have just stepped out of the shower, and he’s standing there, naked. It’s not a typically funny scene, but the fact that he’s naked honestly adds a bizarre level to it. It is as I’ve always described Apatow’s films and shows- earnest.

And with the literal balls to stand there, Jason Segel immediately launches himself to comedic lead status. Of course he was in tune with the material he wrote, but that gave him an intuitive look into the character. And he played the jilted lover trying to move on with sheer perfection.

One thing I’ve always admired about Apatow and crew is that they’ve always been able to write fascinating and hilarious roles for women, outside of the tired ditzy, damsel cliche. Both Kunis (That 70’s Show, Get Over It) and Bell (Veronica Mars, Heroes) turn in two of the finest female comedic performances of this era. They fall in line with the working relationship Segal, Jonah Hill and Paul Rudd have developed over the course of their past several films, and steal scenes away from them.

The film would be nothing without that supporting cast, including Hill (Superbad, Strange Wilderness), Rudd (Anchorman, Knocked Up), British comic Aldous Snow, and SNL star Hader. Their parts always move the story along, but never drag it down.

It’s one of the funniest movies in a long time, one that holds up against some of the great classic comedies, and Richard Roeper was right to rank this in his top 50 comedies of all time.

Here’s a trailer for you.

-Brodie Mann

Leatherheads

2.5 stars

George Clooney seems to have this fascination with the Golden Age of Hollywood. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. He’s done some great work that hearkens back to older styles of filmmaking. But, like anyone, he can misstep. And holy crap does he with Leatherheads.

Leatherheads, essentially, is about the start of pro-football. Clooney pulls double duty, both directing and starring as Dodge Connelly, a cocky, yet aging football star of the Duluth Bulldogs in the laughable pro-football league of 1925. In an attempt to continue playing and subsequently legitimize the sport he loves, Connelly scouts the talents of hot shot college star and WWI hero Carter Rutherford (John Krasinski) to bring in fans and, more importantly, money. Lexie Littleton (Renèe Zellweger) is a reporter charged with debunking the myth of Carter Rutherford, but plays romantic interest to both male leads instead. Hijinks ensue!

Yes. Hijinks. Anyway… It’s not a wholly unlikable movie, and with both Zellweger (Chicago, Empire Records) and Clooney’s (Good Night and Good Luck, O Brother Where Art Thou) classic charm, matched with Krasinski’s (The Office– US version) boyish charisma, it’s really hard not to like it.

But, and it’s tough for me, as a huge Clooney fan, to admit this, Clooney got a bit to esoteric. Which I suppose is a fancy way of saying “full of himself.” Not in a bad way, mind you. But he tried to throw too much into the stew and it came out muddy, with a funny after taste.

When it was good, it was really good. Really funny. But there were just as many, if not more, bad scenes that dragged down the entire proceedings. There could have been some big cuts made to the film, and the storyline would have remained intact, and more enjoyable as a whole. Instead you walk away saying “I liked this scene, but not this one. And then this one, but not so much that one.”

Again, no actor was bad. There just wasn’t anything exquisitely good about their performances. Though Krasinski holding his own against the formidable co-star that is George Clooney was impressive. His career seems to be following a similar trajectory as Clooney’s. Breakout star of hit NBC during the Must See TV Thursday night line-up, make a couple of movies, eventually move on from said show. I just hope he doesn’t have a fiasco of Batman and Robin like proportions on the horizon.

So… final verdict, not terrible, just not very good either. You’ll walk away unfulfilled. Definitely worth a rental though!

Peace out!

– Brodie Mann

Doomsday

0 stars

No… that’s not a typo. I’m really giving this zero stars. No stars. Not even half a damn star. It gets zero. Why? Because it’s unoriginal. I know what you’re probably thinking… “But Brodie, Hollywood has a long history of unoriginality, why is this so special?” Well, it’s so blatantly unoriginal, that based on the trailer alone I picked up on at least 3 movies it ripped off. Actually viewing it gave me a few more.

*SPOILERS HERE IN* Don’t read any further if you really want to see it. But I recommend you read further, because you shouldn’t want to see it.

In Doomsday, the deadly Reaper virus breaks out in Scotland, causing the British government to wall off the small nation from the rest of the world. In the year 2035, a whole generation later, survivors are spotted on satellite photos, roaming around the streets of Glasgow. An elite military team is sent in to the desolate landscape that once was the mighty Scotland to extract any survivors in hope for a cure, as the Reaper virus is now making it’s rounds in downtown London.

And then it gets weird. Because this is when the elite military team comes across the crazy, futuristic cannibal warrior savages that now inhabit and rule the streets of Glasgow and Edinburgh. Taken prisoner, someone gets cooked and eaten, big fight scene… Now they’re on the run from the Warrior-king, with King’s sister who is leading some sort of resistance against both ruling clans. The first obviously ruled by her brother, the second led by her estranged dad, who has set up a nice little Renaissance Fair in an old castle. Military team not welcome there… big fight scene… The escape, and now there’s a big chase scene with a souped up yet 25 year old BMW on the perfectly preserved country roads of Scotland. The cannibals are in this chase in standard post-apocalyptic modes of transportation. Lots of beat up old vehicles adorned with various parts of the skeletal structure. And armed to the core. Which product placement wins in the end?

YAAAWWWNNNNWho cares? Did you count ’em all? We’ve got Mad Max, Escape From New York, 28 Days Later…, 28 Weeks Later…(while we’re at it), Waterworld, Braveheart, Army of Darkness, The Village, James Bond (pick a flick), Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome and a little Warriors thrown in for good measure.

Admittedly, some of those movies have the benefit of time on their side. The Warriors and Mad Max came out the same year as Alien, Manhattan and Apocalypse Now. In 1979, who would have guessed that in nearly 30 years time, we’d still be talking about the former two, and ranking them up there with the latter three? No one probably. And who knows, maybe in 2035 we’re talking about Doomsday. Most likely cause it actually happened. Hopefully cause it actually happened, because that’s the only way this movie will stay relevant once you’re done reading this review.

Well… let’s move on to the crap production quality, shall we? Where do I start? Is it the complete lack of direction from writer/director Neil Marshall? Yeah sure. That sucked. And I liked his previous effort, The Descent. But this… it’s like he got through the first act and said “Fuck it! You remember Mad Max? Let’s do that for a while.” Then he got halfway through and said “Fuck it! Mel Gibson’s crazy… Let’s do Braveheart for a while. With Malcolm McDowell.” Which is admittedly cool. The Renaissance Fair town is run by Malcolm McDowell, which as a colleague of mine said, “would be a pretty cool Ren-Fair.” But then he got bored with the historical epic angle, and said “Fuck it! Let’s have a car chase.” Can you see why it’s hard to watch?

How about the painfully flat acting of all involved? Including the usually awesome Bob Hoskins. Rhona Mitra, who’s done a few episodes of Nip/Tuck and that’s about it, tries to keep the “Huge star out of nowhere” mojo alive. But… she’s a bad actress. She couldn’t even make the “Fake/Bionic Eye” thing cool. Oh yeah, her character has a bionic eye that she can remove and use as a spy camera. How one royally fucks up the bionic eye/spy camera thing, is beyond me.

I award this film no stars. None. Zero. You go home with nothing. You suck. Do not spend money on this film.

One more thing… if this does actually happen in 2035… could we wall of Wales, instead?

– Brodie

Brodie Fanns!

New review for you. I’m goin’ pre-historic on your asses.

10,000 B.C.

1 Star

So… Roland, if I may call you that. What the hell happened? You had us with Stargate, Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. And now this? I don’t even know what to classify this as. It’s barely a step above something the Discovery Channel would put together, only with a Sci-Fi Channel twist.

D’Leh (Steven Strait) is a hunter/warrior from what I only assume is a Sub-Saharan mountain tribe. After his tribal lands are attacked by Egyptian warlords, he embarks on a quest to save his one true love, who also happens to be his people’s saviour. I think. Along the way, he meets up with other tribes who have been attacked by the Egyptians, and they all stage a revolt to free the slaves being used to build the pyramids.

Where to begin with what is wrong with this film? Is it the laughably bad dialog? The maybe dead languages they use? Could it be the very obvious visual effects they use? Or how about the oddly perfect bodies they have? I’m not talking being fit. I’m talking nice skin, well maintained hair, perfect manicure, perfect make-up. On tribes-people.

There was nothing about this production that worked. It’s almost as if they wanted to fall in line with Mel Gibson’s historical epics, but decided they didn’t want to spend a lot of money. And good lord did it show.

And you could tell the actors were of the mindset “This movie sucks, but at least I have one more thing to put on my resume. And a paycheck.” I can’t comment on their performances… because to call what they all did acting is an insult to acting.

I’m being generous with my one star rating, as I usually don’t believe in the “Award for just showing up” philosophy. But come on… they tried.

But really, I can’t recommend this to anyone. Avoid it.

– Brodie

Brodie Fanns!

It’s been a week since I last saw you guys. Seriously, a week. Since the Oscars, really. And there is a perfectly logical explanation for that. That whole live blog thing I was doing, I was doing on 3 different blogs. And that took a lot out of me. It was tiring. Plus I had a few days off work, so I just sat around getting drunk all week.

Anywho!

Here’s a new review-

Vantage Point

3 Stars

It’s a good movie that keeps you guessing, has interesting plot twists and is well acted all around. It’s a bad movie where the plot would have been a really good season of 24.

Vantage Point is told Rashomon style (log onto IMDb and look it up), and we get several interesting perspectives on a terror plot to assassinate the president of the United States in Spain. And thanks to that nice little summary, my blog is now “one of interest” to several government agencies. We get the perspective of Secret Service agents Thomas Barnes and Kent Taylor (Dennis Quaid and Matthew Fox), tourist Howard Lewis (Forest Whitaker), the terrorists, their pawns, a news crew (Sigourney Weaver and Zoe Saldana and even the president himself (William Hurt). It all culminates in a pulse pounding series of chase sequences, ending in glorious American cinema fashion: dead bad guys, heroically and miraculously alive good guys.

For what comes off as Die Hard meets 24 with a little Bourne Identity thrown in mix, it really isn’t as bad as it could have been. The mixed narrative gets a little annoying because some versions overlap with other versions, so you’re getting the same story over and over, rather than multiple yet separate stories.

I’ve long thought of Dennis Quaid as the poor man’s Harrison Ford. Which I still stand behind. But you have to remember, even if you’re getting discount store Harrison Ford, Dennis Quaid is the Target version- still really cool. At least he’s not Tom Berenger, the K-Mart Harrison Ford. It was good to see Matthew Fox take on this kind of role, as you can see him start to shed the “Jack Shephard” image he’s been relishing in for the past three and a half years. I’m interested to see what he does as Racer X in Speed Racer come May. Edgar Ramirez continues his streak of roles requiring him to be the mysterious Latino with a steely glare. But if I were making a movie that had a mysterious Latino with a steely glare in it, I would pick Ramirez, as he’s not a bad actor, just needs to step out of the typecasting.

As I said before, my interest in the plot starts to fall apart during the first act when they’re constantly re-showing the assassination. Luckily once that’s over about 40 minutes in, we can settle in on some good, old-fashioned, pulse-pounding action fun. And it doesn’t skimp on that. It is an unfortunate page right out of Jason Bourne’s playbook though, and at times, I thought I had been magically transported to the summer of ’02 and was watching Matt Damon speed around a European city.

But while it does draw a lot of comparison to previous works, it still is an enjoyable film. I predict we’ll see some heavy rotation on the USA network in a few years, as this flick seems right up their alley.

– Brodie Mann