Fool’s Gold and Other assortedness

Brodie Fanns!

I’ve got a review and other stuff for you. Let’s get started, shall we?

Fool’s Gold

1 star

What do you get when you take the mediocre Indiana Jones rip-off, Sahara, remove the sexy latina and Steve Zahn, and put the adorably perky Kate Hudson in their place? Well, you get solid gold shit. But no shortage of a shirtless Matthew McConaughey

Ben and Tess Finnegan (McConaughey and Hudson) are a bickering, brink of divorce couple that also has a passion for treasure salvaging. Then, amidst their divorce, Ben, who never quite grew up, found some clues indicating the location of a nearly 300 year old buried treasure. With the financial assistance of Tess’ new employer, Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland in a take off of the Hilton family, I suppose), they are able to start searching for the wreckage off a small Caribbean island. They only have to contend with Ben’s former investor, a deranged rapper who owns the island in question.

And then McConaughey takes his shirt off for a while.

I give it points for being a romantic comedy tangled with an adventure yarn, but that’s just a thin connection at best, as it contains not even the tiniest of fractions of thrills and excitement in other modern adventure flicks of it’s kind. Including National Treasure and the aforementioned Sahara.

I blame it on the lack of any real personae or charisma between the two leads. Separately, they have those things. But together… I don’t know, they were just vapid and hollow characters leading vapid and hollow lives. I didn’t care one way or another if they got the gold and got back together in the end. Spoiler alert. Everything you think happens in this movie, does happen. It’s almost like this could have been reworked as an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond and no one would have noticed. Except for the distinct lack of shirt removal thank god.

The jokes fell flat. Everybody’s talents were wasted on this film. Hudson and McConaughy both showed so much promise in Almost Famous and Dazed and Confused, respectively. But neither seem to have really caught on as far as actual talent goes. Maybe they should stick to artsy 70’s nostalgia flicks with kick ass soundtracks. That’s what they should do next. Maybe play Cher and Duane Allman.

Am I being fair to this film? Probably not. I don’t know. I rated Rambo a little higher because it delivered what it promised. But Fool’s Gold… it’s one thing to go into a movie with low expectations and have them exceeded. But it’s another to go in with low expectations and not even have them met.

Expect to see this in a few years with “Three Chances to Watch” on TBS or something.

IN OTHER NEWS…

Roy Scheider: 1932-2008. RIP

The star of Jaws and All That Jazz passed away on Saturday of multiple myeoma, a form of bone cancer. He was just 75 years old.

IN OTHER NEWS…

Actually, that’s about it for now.

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